There were things happening lately…

That is what neurotypical people say when they had something going on but don’t want to discuss that. So that is what happened to me. I didn’t sleep the entire night thinking about what I should do.

I think I may need to break up with The Boyfriend. It’s difficult. I still love him but all the excitement is gone from that relationship. When we started dating I really felt like this is it. I don’t know if I misinterpreted the situation, we won’t know that now, but shortly after that my problems with Home Group got really serious and I could not enjoy the dating process any more. He’s been through a lot of drama with me but continues to be supportive. However, it feels like something is wrong. Possibly he got used to the fact that I was miserable for so long and can’t see me as an exciting partner any more? I really don’t know. If I ask him, he says things are fine, but maybe he can’t imagine them being any different now?

Last week, when he came here, we were lying in bed and he took his mobile out while I was still holding his other hand. It looked like he was uncomfortable so I said, oh sorry, I’m making it awkward for you by holding your hand and he said, no, not at all. And I knew he meant it. He still wanted to hold my hand so the intimacy was there. But something else is certainly missing.

I don’t know how to tell him, without blaming him. As I said, all of our relationship was full of drama that was not his fault.

He doesn’t read my blog, unless prompted, so I feel that it’s ok to post but finally I’d have to tell him. I also don’t know how he is going to react. Is he going to try to keep me? Is he going to say that he loves me? But I love him too and yet, it isn’t working.

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