It’s probably strange to discuss break on a blog but I was already explaining that my blog is to record how I think and feel and this is an important part to discuss as I don’t seem to agree with any advice regarding breaking up that I found online this morning.
First of all, all the articles I saw are so emotional that I couldn’t even read them without feeling like I needed to change my mind. Not that I want to, only that the vocabulary used makes me feel like experiencing the same feelings that are keeping me in this relationship. When I tried to break up with my previous partner, I also found it extremely difficult. Only after realising that I’m autistic, I understood that I have very low emotional response to what is happening to me, so even though I knew the relationship is not working, it didn’t make me feel anything. While at the same time feeling the feelings I already knew, all the positive ones, was easy. And that is why we couldn’t separate until it got really, really bad.
So that is one reason why I don’t want to read articles about breaking up. The other reason is that, from what I saw briefly, they all state that face to face break up is best. But then, I’d have to have him coming in here, thinking he’s coming for a date and then tell him that it’s not a date because I’m breaking up and he needs to drive back all the way again. He’s very likely to kick off, maybe not even out of love, but just because that won’t be what he expected.
After doing a bit of thinking, I decided that even emailing him that I want to end it is not the right thing to do because it will look like I’m reaching out only to push him away. That doesn’t make any sense, does it?
I need to give him a hint first that that is what is going to happen so that he was not totally shocked. And the only way I can do it is by waiting till he email me first and then not responding. Only when he emails the second time I’ll tell him I want to end things. I don’t think I can do it any other way without creating a drama.
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