Ok, just a quick post as I’m really tired today. I barely had any sleep last night, that’s how bad the mattress in the previous hotel was. Now I’m in Weymouth and trying to rest but I feel like the whole idea of blogging about autism specific communication is suddenly overwhelming me. Possibly there is no such thing? Who knows?

Did I mention to you that The Boyfriend seemed anxious about my ability to feed him every time he’s coming over?

I wonder whether that was because we never agreed that I’m going to feed him so possibly he is anxious if food is going to be available at all? I’m not sure, just guessing. The problem here is that, even though I’m also autistic, I find it impossible to imagine what he is thinking. Partly it maybe because we, autistics, fit everything into patterns that we already know and my and his patterns are different. Food seems to be a big part of a dating game in the UK (‘is he taking you out for dinner?’, ‘I’ll cook for you’) while in Poland people eat whatever when they date, first dates are usually cinemas and actual eating out usually only happens when you’re in commited relationship, and still not too often.

It’s possible then that The Boyfriend feels confused about my relaxed attitude to food and he thinks that means I don’t love him enough? Again, that is just a guess, but I am beginning to see that instead of trying to hint him I need to speak with him openly.

Anyway, what I wanted to say here was that when I went for breakfast today in my previous hotel in Portland there was nothing cooked but croissants and yoghurt were there. When I spoke to the receptionist on the first day it did seem to me that she meant that croissants and yoghurt will be available on the second day but she didn’t say that directly. My first thought was, ok, I did get this right but then I immediately thought something was wrong. Like you know, if she was only hinting, why the things are there exactly how she said? If she wanted me to know exactly what is going to happen, she would have said ‘we are unable to serve cooked breakfast on the second day of your stay but croissants and yoghurt will be provided’.

If she was hinting then croissants and yoghurt were only symbols of ‘something simple that doesn’t need cooking’ so why not cheese or ham for example? Did shop not have any other choices that would make the hotel staff inspired? Or possibly they had some croissants and yoghurt sitting in the pantry and needing eating but then if the cook only went off sick with covid recently and before that cooked breakfast was standard then croissants and yoghurt shouldn’t be in the pantry… Can you see where I’m going with this?

What I wanted to say was that seeing the food items like in the hint (I mean brioche was also there, but it’s almost the same thing like croissants) really freaked me out. I even though for a bit that someone read my blog and wanted to let me know I’m getting things correctly. But then, wow, I am not that popular let’s be honest. If it continues like that however, I mean me overthrinking the communication I’d need to close the blog for my own mental health.

Although I can, I suppose, write about how I got sectioned in 2019. I promised it and never got down to do it. Maybe we’ll find a way though.