Change is coming (to my blog)

I didn’t post for two days, I think. I was busy with PicsArt, which is ‘creative platform’ for image editing. I knew ages ago that I can do something more with my Redecor images, I just never got time to do it. I think this is an autistic thing, that I find it difficult, or possibly even impossible to learn more than one thing at a time – for a couple of months I was learning how to blog. It is more difficult for me, I suppose, than for a neurotypical person, as deciding what information shouldn’t go on the blog is not automatic for me, although I’d say it’s not that bad with writing – I can usually stop myself from writing something inappropriate as I type, which obviously is slower than speaking. I am hoping that with time blogging will actually help me to be more vigilant in real life as well.

So what I was saying was, as I started blogging I was totally absorbed by it. Even though posting could only took me an hour a day, deciding what to post about took like 10 hours! I knew I would be able to dedicate myself to learning how to process digital images at the time so I didn’t even attempt.

Only on Friday afternoon I decided it’s finally time and it wasn’t really that difficult. I’m aware I still have plenty to learn but what I’ve done so far is pretty satisfying and also working out how to use the app was not difficult at all.

I will be therefore changing the images from the blog from Redecor designs to… processed Redecor designs. I still love Redecor and will continue to play of course but I guess adding home designs images to blog about being autistic could be confusing for prospective readers. I mean, my designs were usually overloaded with patterns so I was hoping people would work out that means I’m autistic, but I guess when we’re scrolling through the web looking for something, we tend to make quick assumptions about what we see, which is also what I do.

So I started playing with PicsArt on Friday evening and I got so obsessed with it that I didn’t go to sleep till like 4am and then I still woke up only an hour later! But at least I wasn’t worried I’m going to get psychosis, as I think it’s much less likely when I don’t sleep due to positive feelings rather than due to stress. Anyway, one night of not sleeping is not enough to set off psychosis.

I was still playing with PicsArt yesterday pretty much the entire day and I only forced myself to go to sleep as tomorrow morning I’m going to work – I’ll be stacking shelves in a supermarket and I’m starting at 9am, so if I only got proper sleep tonight I would find it difficult to manage.

Ok, that’s just a quick post, otherwise I don’t have much to record. Although, possibly I should add my last update on Professor Baron-Cohen drama: on Friday morning I was so upset about the realisation that he’s probably a narcissist and his aim is not to improve the quality of autistic people lives but to keep his privileged position, that I had to take diazepam – which is not something I do often, and when I take it, it doesn’t really calm me down fully.

So I took it around 10am, I did calm down slightly and at 1pm I received an email from Psychiatry Operations Manager at Cambridge University and the email explained that Professor was advised not to email me again, whatever happens. Shortly after that I fully calmed down and I initially thought that was still due to diazepam, but as I continued to be calm throughout the day, I started wondering whether that could be due to the fact that I stopped obsessively thinking about what to do regarding Professor Baron-Cohen.

I couldn’t do anything: telling him what I really think about him would not change a thing and as I knew he was advised to ignore me, I knew that emailing him wouldn’t help me as I wouldn’t be able to work out what he is thinking from his response or the lack of it. He would be ignoring me because that was what he was told to do, and possibly this awareness was what calmed me down? If so, then Cambridge University at least got this one thing right.

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