Why I post more than once on some days

I did hear (and read) that people blog to connect with others or to build community (and following). As much as I admire them for that, let’s make that clear: those things are unlikely to happen for me. Well, I guess, with time I may get more readers but I doubt I’ll be able to build a community. But the thing is, I’m autistic so community is not my thing. Or connecting with people for that matter.

What I am trying to do instead is, to report on how I am thinking and feeling to make it easier for people to understand us, autistics – even though, obviously, I am fully aware of the fact that each and every one of us is different. That’s why I decided to post as I go – when my feelings and thoughts are still fresh. Sometimes, I do admit, I read my post a few days later and I don’t fully know myself what I meant! This is a result of the fact that I put so much effort into explaining myself that I don’t get to see when I don’t make sense any more.

I hope this will happen less and less as I keep blogging.

Regarding connection with people, there used to be a fellow blogger who commented on most of my posts and, as nice as it was, especially when she was validating my feelings about what happened in Home Group, I found it to be a block for my creativity (well, ok, I know, I just stated I’m blogging to report, not to be creative, try not to take what I say too directly), because I felt like I was forcing her to read my posts. I do hope she’s doing ok but I feel better without frequent comments.

So I’m hoping, after a while people will understand that some of our difficulties come from the fact how we understand the world around us, and are not a result of our communication difficulties. When neurotypical people, and that includes autism researchers, make wrong assumptions about us, that’s really hurtful and it prevents the sience from going forward. That is not something that I’d ever support.

The gas meter engineer turned up and is just fighting with it outside in the dark (well, he has a torch). Spending almost an hour on the phone paid off, thank god. I just hope there will be no further issues from now on. I did start feeling like, if I don’t sort it out, I’m never attempting to handle any issue myself. Or any issue at all, I’m going back to Poland!

Update: it has been sorted! What a relief, I’m back to normal life from tomorrow. I mean, where’s my DBS?

I mean the guy was speaking a bit slowly to me. I guess that’s the result of the fact that I told the customer service earlier on they have to prioritise me as I’m autistic. Here you are.

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