What I realised just a few hours ago, again, after Ashley’s comments on my previous post is, that people may have an opinion on my behaviour and this opinion may differ from my own.
I can see, in a way, that blogging about my life is starting to give me the same issues that socialising did: it seems like I’m enjoying it and doing ok and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I get snappy towards people and can’t even see that.
Possiby I should have deleted my last post but then that would not be fair towards people who expect to find real representation of autistic female characteristic here. Autism is a disability and this is how it shows up sometimes.
It’s interesting to see that blogging by itself did it this time, while my contact with people is extremely limited. It may suggest that the source of similar reaction is not necessarily contact with people as such but the constant planning what to say and attempts to predict how this is going to be perceived. I do that ok for so many days and then, suddenly, I can’t continue and I start saying whatever comes to my mind. Plus, by the time I get fed up with people so what comes to my mind may not be very attractive for the listener (or a reader, in case of a blog).
I now have a real dilemma: should I take a break and come back when I’m OK to craft elaborate, full of emotions posts, or just continue for the sake of giving the readers the opportunity to fully familiarise themselves with how my thinking process goes.
It’s a difficult one, isn’t it?