So, I wasn’t feeling very well for a couple of days already, having mild but dull headache, confusion, tiredness and nausea. Not sure how to call it as I feel somehow better when I start doing things (which is the opposite to what happens in migraine), although it never completely disappeared and I still felt confused, even when busy.

It seems, however, it’s easing up now and I wonder if it’s hormone related as I’m on my period. Hormone related migraines apparently become more common as women approach menopause and I’m 43, will be 44 at the end of December.

I started filling in my PIP (UK disability benefit) claim and I included things like: ‘I did not see if I stopped being able to cope with demands. It always seems to me that I’m doing ok and then things just fall apart’, ‘I wear the same clothes all the time and keep them on the banister by the bathroom to find them easily’, ‘It seems to me that I’m expressing myself fine but people almost constantly misinterpret what I am saying. They may say how sorry they feel for me when I’m absolutely fine and ignore me when I need help’, ‘When I worked, I frequently found that I could not access important information from colleagues as they were busy having chats and were ignoring my attempts to speak up.’, ‘I find it very distressing to read even few sentences of formal text if it’s not organised the way it works for me. What I end up doing is just looking at it to find keywords and only read the sentences with them but I still end up missing important information this way.’

Those are not all of course but I leave some details for myself.

I also stated that, although I’m diagnosed bipolar, I don’t really think that I have it.

I realised today that Clarks (shoe shop) is no longer open in the town centre. I was going to buy some black shoes that I could wear for my housekeeper job I’ll be doing this coming week for 3 days. I wanted something comfortable that I could also wear later on. Clarks closing it’s shop is like end of an era, I always used to get my shoes there if I wanted something a bit smarter than trainers.

I ended up in the Outlet Village and got some black trainers in Sketchers that have very basic design, so the fact they’re trainers shouldn’t draw anyone attention (hopefully). They also magically make my feet look smaller (I’m size 41/42, which is big for a woman, but I suppose it’s in proportion to my hight: 5’11/1.80m).

I’m a bit worried how I’m going to put up with hotel housekeeper job, I may be a bit slow with manual work due to (possible but undiagnosed) dyspraxia. I wonder though if other housekeepers are fast, if they were, they could go and get a job in Aldi or Amazon and earn more.

I am also confused with who I report to on arrival? What if the reception is busy and there’s no security guard around? Should I just queue like if I was a hotel guest? Hopefully that won’t be required!

I had to cancel The Boyfriend again, due to my headache and generally feeling unwell and I stared wondering how can I get more enjoyment out of this relationship. There are always problems in the way, it started with Home Group giving me depression when we just started dating, my psychoses, my pregabalin withdrawal, my hospital, my mess, his mess, the pandemic, my family, the fraud, his ex, my covid tests and now my period and my migraine.

I wish he could come over and we could have a nice, relaxing evening, without talking about any problems that need sorting, but this is unlikely to happen now as I’m not in a position to be happy up until I know that my employment has been sorted and I’m doing ok.

Hopefully the next couple of weeks will improve things.