This post will be about parcel tape, or at least that’s how it’s going to start as I may then move onto something else.

So, I finally decided that it’s time to post my mum’s clothes to her care home. I feel kind of sorry for her that I didn’t do it earlier but not knowing how prospective employers are going to react to me telling them I was dismissed from my last care job was really doing my head it. Mind you, I think that’s probably why I still feel so extremely tired (it could probably also help if I stopped sleeping on the sofa, but that’s another story).

So I found a box I could use for the parcel but I didn’t have parcel tape at home so I went to town with the intention to buy it in one of our pound shops and the first shop I went into didn’t have any at all, while the second only had ‘fragile’ tape and clothes are not fragile of course. Never mind the clothes, they have no awareness of the fact they’re not fragile but the people who would have to handle the parcel would be faced with unnecessary stress when they see the fragile sign on the parcel, I couldn’t do that to them in any circumstances!

Finally I found standard parcel tape in the third (of 3) pound shops I visited but if it wasn’t there I’d rather go to WHSmith and pay more, only so that I didn’t put any unnecessary pressure on the delivery company workers.

Seriously, who came up with the idea that autistics can’t see other people perspective? It seems to me like in the tape situation I ignore my own perspective (running around the town centre to get a standard parcel tape) and put other people first. Mind you, those are the people who I don’t even know!

Anyway, moving on from that onto the company that offered me a job yesterday. So, as the offer was an informal one, I now don’t know how to refuse it. I don’t have the contact details to the manager and she said yesterday she’s not always in as she’s managing other houses as well so I can’t see the point of me calling or turning up on the doorstep only to say I won’t take the job, because I don’t want to be charged for training if I decide to leave, as that could even be seen as an attempt to negotiate, while, as we all know, those conditions are not negotiable (or maybe they are but I just never tried?).

I have an email of a lady from the head office, who arranged the interview, but then she didn’t answer my email twice so it feels silly to email her the third time only to say I won’t take the job, but at the same time I don’t want to ignore the manager who was very nice with me, so what do I do? You see, thinking of other people the entire time!

I also realised that the fact I’d be charged for training if I leave within 12 months of completing it (and training needs refreshing every so often) would be like a massive obstacle for me that I wouldn’t be able to overcome in my mind if I already had other things to do, like reading job adverts and filling in application forms and therefore I would just never look for another job, no matter how fed up I’d be, and what would happen then? I’d get sacked again for sure! Do I want this to happen to me?

Of course the employer cannot sack people for being fed up with the job so they look for other excuses. If it was up to me I’d prefer if the rules here were more straightforward, so that at least I know what to expect.

Ok, I’m off to preparing the parcel with my non fragile tape.