So, I got that text message today from NHS Track and Trace that I was in contact with somebody who tested positive and I have to self isolate. I didn’t know who it was because I didn’t see anybody at all, except of the staff in Job Centre today in the morning.

My guess is someone from my flight tested positive on the mandatory test on the second day. However, I logged in to the online account on Track and Trace and was informed I don’t have to self isolate. I bought two bags of groceries after that, just in case they change their mind again.

I will have another test in a walk in testing centre tomorrow and hopefully all will be fine. The Boyfriend however is now reluctant to visit me and I find it difficult to blame him, especially that he has asthma.

My flat is not overly clean, I find it difficult to do things due to anxiety and a bit of low mood. It’s a lot to do with me being unemployed but partly probably due to being disillusioned with life in general. When I was younger I expected exciting things, now I know they are unlikely to happen really, and at the same time things that I found exciting as younger, even if they were ordinary, like for example taking a course, don’t excite me that much now at all.

It often seems to me like I experienced everything there is to experience and there’s nothing to look forward to. Other people, I suppose, get excited about their kids growing up, but I don’t have any kids, which wasn’t fully concious decision. It just happened that I don’t have them, while at the same time I never actively wanted to become a mum. I wonder sometimes if my life would be better if I had kids, but very often I think I wouldn’t be able to take care of them. I barely manage with taking care of myself.

But I’m wondering what is going to happen when I get older and possibly either The Friend or The Boyfriend will pass away? Mind you, The Friend lives in Poland now so I usually see her once a year.

I have another friend here, she’s also Polish and we met in my old workplace. She’s very friendly and genuine but she is 69 and wants to retire soon and go back to Poland, where her husband lives.

How do I make more friends? I am not quite sure. Sometimes I meet someone and either they turn out not to be such a nice person or they’re not interested in keeping in touch long term. I assume, there is something about me that makes me not extremely attractive to be around and ladies who have loads of friends already don’t really need me that much. If you know how to make friends if one is autistic let me know.