I collected my ID card today! I am officially a free woman and can go back where my home is. It’s a bit strange that my home is so far from where I was brought up but not much I can do about that.

I came to celebrate to a small cafe half way through between the town centre and the hostel. It is a cafe where my mum took me when I was going through my first psychosis. As I was drinking my cappuccino at the time the voice in my head told me that I may be pregnant so I asked my mum to go to a pharmacy for a pregnancy test. It was negative. I really didn’t understand how come the voice in my head tells me something that isn’t true.

Sitting here today brings back the memories. My cake is overly sweet and I don’t really like it but cappuccino is good, quite intense, not like this one I sometimes get in the town centre. Smaller towns in Poland are not great for coffee and especially hot drinks to go were only started being sold like 2-3 years ago, still, hardly anyone buys them.

Cake and cappuccino were equivalent to approximately £2.20. Not bad, but still, I’m slightly shocked with how much money I spent in total on this ‘holiday’.

Mum seemed to be better today, much more alert than yesterday, and then suddenly, in the middle of the conversation I realised again she doesn’t remember important things. It’s so difficult for me to understand what is happening with her. When she was living with me she could go to the shop without shopping list and buy exactly the things she needed, without a fail.

When I was younger I often heard that elderly remember what happened a couple of years ago but not what happened this morning. Well, in case of my mum it seems to be the exact opposite: she remembers when I’m coming over and what she had for breakfast and what bills need to be paid (paying bills seems to be her special interest) but not things from the past.

Yesterday I had an idea that finally put my mind at ease, I’m actually surprised how come I didn’t come up with it earlier: as soon as I find a job I need to save up towards my mum care budget. This way I’ll be ok to pay for the care home when her savings run out. I don’t want to move her anywhere else. Definitely not somewhere where the only space available for her will be the bed.

I was also told today that her pressure sores are getting better due to specialist dressing (they’re not cheap and meds are not free for seniors here). She also has her hip consultation tomorrow and if everything is ok, she’ll be finally allowed to start walking. Fingers crossed things will be well, although I’m not totally sure what ‘well’ means in this case. This way or the other she’ll have to stay in a care home.