What I wanted to talk about here was how I was dealing with anxiety recently: by playing various online games: my favourite was water puzzle, but I also found another version of block puzzles which is a bit easier to play, although I’m still pretty rubbish at it.

But what also came to my mind is how our, autistic females behaviour can be misinterpreted by men who are interested in us as ‘playing games’. Only because we don’t know how to respond to their flirting and sometimes get it right but at other times completely wrong, the man may think we play games with him.

The strange thing about it is that, if we’re not considered shy, we are much more likely to fall into the player category and perhaps, with time, we may even believe we are one. But the truth is much more complex than that: we may not be sure how to react appropriately towards the man that we like, we may be confused about our own feelings towards him and in fact not know if we want a relationship or not. How do we know that if we never were in one?

I don’t know what’s the solution for that but perhaps if I had known I’m autistic when I was younger and was able to be open about that, perhaps men would have more patience with me. Perhaps I’d have family now.