I visited mum today, at 11am, as usual, as it’s easy to arrange and remember that I need to take a bus which is exactly at 10.30. She didn’t seem very alert and at some point insisted on me taking her laundry home because ‘no one will do it here’, she also told me she can move in back to her family home as soon as she walks again. Perhaps, I thought, this is a sign of something I didn’t want to admit: perhaps she has dementia.

Later on I went to the police station and got anxiety attack while waiting to speak with concierge. I thought, I’d never get one again. Perhaps it’s another example of a naive thinking.

How do I look when I have anxiety attack? Pretty much normal but my breathing gets very shallow, I feel very worried and uncomfortable in general. I was still able to speak with the policeman though. He did ask if something happened but I am not sure if he meant my breathing or just general, why I came when I didn’t have an appointment.

Mum’s bank advertises heavily in media which is, I suppose, their way of getting everyone to be quiet about how they’re dealing with the issue. We’ll never get this money back, I think.

I’m back in the hostel now and trying to get over the rest of my anxiety. I hope I won’t need to go on meds when I’m back in the UK although looking for work may be stressful.

It’s a really hot day today.