Autistics and sex life

This post is not going to contain anything that I’d consider an adult content, just general discussion that you can find on TV at any time of the day.

So I know that some people are really interested in our sex lives. I’d say we’re not much different than neurotypicals really, however it may be difficult to find a partner due to our lack of understanding of non verbal clues. It’s possible that someone may be interested in us and it’s mutual and yet nothing happens so that leads to frustration.

When we get a partner, however, I wish to believe we’re not that much different from neurotypicals. There are number of asexual autistic people, but I would dare to say that there are number of asexual neurotypical people too, possibly that just doesn’t get discussed that much. However, if you know of any data that compares those numbers let me know and I will update this post.

I remember a colleague once was very interested in how long I waited to have sex with The Boyfriend. She told me that she did it ‘before the first date’ with her partner. Well, I found that question rather uncomfortable but let me assure you, the fact that we’re autistic didn’t mean we had to wait ages. I suppose it’s good to wait a little bit, just to feel comfortable with the other person, which I would assume comes much easier to neurotypicals.

Recently I don’t feel like having sex at all, I hope that is only due to the amout of stress that I’m going through, although who knows, it may be due to peri menopause as I’m 43. In general though I’d say if one dating prospects are limited due to inability of reading and responding to non verbal cues, then the same has to be said about their sexual prospects, unfortunately.

Another thing that can get in the way of good quality sex life are our sensory issues. We may not like certain sensations and those may prevent us from fully enjoying what we are doing, another may be our difficulties with executive disfunction (we want to procede just don’t know how when there’s other things to do or perhaps, we forgot to shave our legs).

But I’d really want to believe that if we make allowances for that, our ability to enjoy spending time this way is not much different than neurotypicals, who, let’s not forget that, can have their own issues.

4 responses to “Autistics and sex life”

  1. I think in a healthy relationship people should always try to learn what works and what doesn’t work for their partner. I used to be quite comfortable with my sexuality, but in recent years it’s just dropped off the radar entirely.

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    1. This learning can be impaired for autistics but I am sure not all hope is lost! I find it somehow difficult to write about this subject more openly (I mean giving examples from my own life instead of being more general) which I think shouldn’t be the case, as I already discussed my suicide attempt and self harming, but I guess sex is still more taboo.

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      1. It’s strange how society is hypersexualized, yet talking about the reality of sex is still hush hush.

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