I was always under the impression that I have a really large nose. Not massive enough for me to consider plastic surgery, yet, large enough to be concerned.

What I often hear in Poland about disabled people who are otherwise attractive is ‘omg, she’s so pretty and she’s in a wheelchair!’ which sounds exactly like if it would be ok to be in a wheelchair for someone who’s a bit ugly.

So here you are, it’s me: autistic, 43 year old, childless, living separately from her partner, 5’11 (1.80m) tall and with a large nose. I’d like to be a bit prettier, I do admit that, or at least shorter so that I didn’t stand out that much in more than one way (height, nose and being socially weird). It would be so good if soneone could say about me ‘Omg, she’s so pretty and she’s autistic!’

For now, and possibly forever, I need to be happy with being not so pretty. I guess I could improve a bit with some make up but frankly enough, I cannot be bothered, plus I wouldn’t be able to touch my face after applying one and touching my face is an important stim for me.

Mind you, the hostel is warm now, with heating on, but I am continuing to wear my jumper.