I asked myself what it is that I’m so worried about and in response I saw my mum being dragged into a whirpool of something thick and sticky and I knew I won’t be able to get her out.

I suppose it was a whirpool of care system and it meant she’ll never be able to help me again, like she used to.

I remember, during my first psychotic episode, I got so worried at some point that my legs were shaking and I could barely walk. ‘Look mum, look at me, I don’t know what’s happening?’ I said and she told me in a very soothing voice ‘We’ll come up with something’ even though, I’m sure she had no idea how to help.

She had to deal with my dad and his issues, my brother with his drinking problems and me and my psychosis.

And you know what else I worry about? I lost my ID card. I don’t have passport so I will not be able to go back to UK before I get a new one.