I was sacked from my last job. I explained that in my last post. And I don’t mean the job for Home Group here, Home Group didn’t sack me, I left.
My last job was a job in a care home. I found it a bit difficult working there full time. I like taking care of people but I’m not good with prioritising when something is not going well.
I used to work as a live in carer a good few years ago and, apart from the massive impact the job had on my private life, I absolutely loved it. It was so pleasant to focus on one person only.
In my last job I also had colleagues who always wanted to chat. When they didn’t want to chat with me I felt relieved at first but rejected shortly afterwards. I also worked for that company before I realised I’m autistic and I used to force myself to talk, to be socially pleasant and a bit of an entertainer. But it always felt fake, like if I was kicking myself: ‘Just say something, whatever, say something now!’ It was very tiring.
After I realised I’m autistics I slowly stopped doing that and become someone who only says the minimum, with an awkward smile and limited eye contact. I become more myself but I don’t know if people saw me like that.
But the fact I didn’t say much, didn’t mean I didn’t want to be noticed. Quite the contrary, I always wanted to be heard. But then, I wasn’t saying anything.
I wanted to open a blog, but I didn’t. It felt like people didn’t treat me fairly but then, I wasn’t fair to myself.
I finally opened this blog shortly after I got sacked. If I didn’t get sacked, I’d never try to write anything. But I don’t have a job now. What is going to happen when I’m back in the UK?