I was sacked from my last job. I explained that a bit in my last post. And I don’t mean the job for Home Group here, Home Group didn’t sack me, I left.

My last job was in a care home. I found it a bit difficult working there full time. I like taking care of people but I’m not good with prioritising when something is not going well.

I used to work as a live in carer a good few years ago and, apart from the massive impact the job had on my private life, I absolutely loved it. It was so pleasant to focus on one person only.

In my last job I also had colleagues who always wanted to chat. When they didn’t want to chat with me I felt relieved at first but rejected shortly afterwards. I also worked for that company before I realised I’m autistic and I used to force myself to talk, to be socially pleasant and a bit of an entertainer. But it always felt fake, like if I was kicking myself under the table: ‘Just say something, whatever, say something now!’ It was very tiring.

After I realised I’m autistics I slowly stopped doing that and become someone who only says the minimum, with an awkward smile and limited eye contact. I was trying to unmask, I thought this way I would become more myself but I don’t know if people saw me like that. To be honest I don’t think I really was myself this way; I really need contact with people, I just don’t want to force myself to be an entertainer.

Also the fact I didn’t say much, didn’t mean I didn’t want to be noticed. Quite the contrary, I always wanted to be heard. But then, how can one be heard if they never say anything.

I wanted to start a blog, but I didn’t. It felt like people didn’t treat me fairly but then, I wasn’t fair to myself.

I finally started this blog shortly after I got sacked. If I didn’t get sacked, I’d never try to write anything. But I don’t have a job now and that is a little bit of a problem.