I spoke with two nurses from mum’s care home and they both told me I don’t necessarily need to move mum, she’ll have a good care where she is and her money can be spent later on something. But I feel bad about keeping it. It’s not mine. I can’t spend it knowing my mum doesn’t even have space to walk around, when she’s able to walk.

I feel bad again. I wish someone made this decision for me.

The strange thing is, I suppose, how moving mum to a private care home makes me think about the fraud: it doesn’t matter how much money we’ll get back, as long as there is enough to keep mum in there for as long as she’s alive. And if I keep the money it will feel like we didn’t get enough, like if something still didn’t get returned.

I feel like I need to reject all the societal expectations to clearly see what I have to do.

My cousin (who’s one of the nurses) actually said that I shouldn’t worry about neighbours saying that my mum is in a care home. From the context I understand she meant the government one, as I said before, moving relatives to care homes has a very bad reputation here. But somehow I didn’t worry about that, I worried that people will say that I spent money on a care home instead of on home improvement.

And, what will you say for that: maybe I should just withdraw all the money and run? Somehow I feel like that’s the best decision, at least at this time.