19.43 – I’m not a masochist

I did state a few posts ago that doing tax return is compulsory in Poland. It turned out it’s a bit more sophisticated than that. Mum’s tax return was done by ZUS, the government pension and insurance agency. However, if she did it herself (or, in her case, with a help of a trusted friend), she could apply various deductions and get some of her tax back. Oh well, that’s not that important I guess, especially in the current situation.

I’m supposed to be in Job Centre tomorrow. I don’t know how I’ll manage to do that. I messaged that I had to leave the country due to family emergency and no one replied so far.

Can this blog be classified as a business? I’m not earning any money on it and the Donate button doesn’t even work, but I certainly spend more than 35h a week either writing or preparing something that I could write about. Not having many readers either (Mr Henderson is probably rather glad) but then, I only just started.

I feel like I have so much to say and share. I could easily spend my life writing about things that happened to me.


Like for example, when I was getting my claim against Home Group (aka The Company) ready, I had a strong intention to use it to campaign to improve autistic people lives. I didn’t spend any time thinking how this can be achieved. ‘The Lady used to pull faces at me a lot and The Company didn’t do anything about it’… really? That doesn’t sound very good, does it? Oh yes, there was that memo sent out about me ‘in June’ but then I had no evidence. I was probably rather right thinking that if I make subject access request no such email will be found.

So I really don’t know how I wanted to achieve anything. And then, after I read the response to my claim, I realised that nobody would believe my side of the story. Instead people would wonder ‘why didn’t she just leave if it was as bad as that? Maybe she’s a masochist, and in that case she deserves what happened to her’.

Well… I don’t think I’m a masochist but I have to admit I don’t sense danger very well, or even if I do, I tend to go for it. My understanding is, that’s an autistic thing. Although, obviously, we’re all different, please remember that.

I often feel like there is a glass jar around me that I have no choice but to try to break. I can see people around me but I can’t hear them very well, we don’t interact, don’t do anything together. Staying in a job that I’m not happy with and being compliant feels like being stuck under that jar. Starting a fight is like trying to break it. I really wish I had a different option, like possibly someone will remove that jar one day and let me join the people that I could only watch so far.

I don’t know what I really wanted to achieve by my fight with Home Group. The jar didn’t get broken at all but I certainly got hurt.

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