I did state a few posts ago that doing tax return is compulsory in Poland. It turned out it’s a bit more sophisticated than that. Mum’s tax return was done by ZUS, the government pension and insurance agency. However, if she did it herself (or, in her case, with a help of a trusted friend), she could apply various deductions and get some of her tax back. Oh well, that’s not that important I guess, especially in the current situation.

I’m supposed to be in the UK tomorrow as I have appointment in the Job Centre. I don’t quite know how I’ll manage to do that. I messaged that I had to leave the country due to family emergency and no one replied so far.

Can this blog be classified as a business? I’m not earning any money on it and the Donate button doesn’t even work, but I certainly spend more than 35h a week either writing or preparing something that I could write about. Not having many readers either but then, I only just started.

I feel like I have so much to say and share. I could easily spend my life writing about things that happened to me.

Like for example, when I was getting my claim against Home Group ready, I had a strong intention to use it to campaign to improve autistic people lives. I didn’t spend any time thinking how this can be achieved. ‘Devi used to pull faces at me a lot and Home Group didn’t do anything about it’ was that what I was supposed to say? Oh yes, there was that memo sent out about me ‘in June’ but then I had no evidence. I was probably rather right thinking that if I make subject access request no such email will be found.

So I really don’t know how I wanted to achieve that campaign. And then, after I read the response to my claim, I realised that nobody would believe my side of the story. Instead people would wonder ‘why didn’t she just leave if it was as bad as that? Maybe she’s a masochist, and in that case she deserves what happened to her’.

Well… I don’t think I’m a masochist but I have to admit I don’t sense danger very well, or even if I do, I tend to go for it. My understanding is, that’s an autistic thing. Although, obviously, we’re all different, please remember that.

I often feel like there is a glass jar around me that I have no choice but to try to break. I can see people around me but I can’t hear them very well, we don’t interact, don’t do anything together. Staying in a job that I’m not happy with and being compliant feels like being stuck under that jar. Starting a fight is like trying to break it. I really wish I had a different option, like possibly someone will remove that jar one day and let me join the people that I could only watch so far.

I don’t know what I really wanted to achieve by my fight with Home Group. The jar didn’t get broken at all but I certainly got hurt.

That’s a photo I took today in the park: