I was woken up by some noise, like if someone was walking (there’s another person in the hostel) and I thought it was my dad. He used to walk through the house at night when other people were sleeping.

And then I realised I’m not at home and my dad died a year and a half ago. It was in lockdown and I wasn’t able to go for funeral. It was very difficult for me, probably even more because I didn’t have relationship with him. Funeral was, in my head, an opportunity to say goodbye on my terms and that was never given to me.

The person making noise must have came back to their bedroom but it seems like I’ll stay awake. It’s 6.08am here so practically a daytime.

I also wake up at 2am for a bit and I felt really worried my mum never gets her money back but I fell asleep eventually. So I’m not in risk of developing psychosis. I only took olanzapine once while I’m here and zopiclone 3 times. I’m coping.