After the situation when my mum was asleep when I called, I didn’t call again. I find it very difficult to speak with her. I wouldn’t know what to say if she says she wants to be back in Smardzewice, where her home is. It would be very difficult for me to decide if I should tell her the truth about my brother and the fact that his actions are going to bring permanent damage to the house where she was brought up. But then if I want to be more considerate of her feelings and tell her that it looks like he’s going to change for the better the question would be why didn’t he call or visit her when it was allowed. Why didn’t he even bring her her glasses.
So I don’t call her. But I miss her a lot, especially after that previous phone call that made me realise how I will feel when she’s not around any more.
I wish I could tell her how much I love her and I wish I could do something that would make her not to worry. I want her to be happy and content. I forgive that she’s not perfect and want to focus on what is good about having her as mum: the fact that she always wanted to help.