I wanted to call my mum and the nurse passed the phone to her but I guess she didn’t make sure my mum is fully awake (she likes her afternoon nap) and there was only silence there so I disconnected the call, slightly irritated and then I thought: that is what is going to happen one day, I will want to talk to mum and she won’t be there any more.

I started crying. It was over an hour ago but I cry now, again, writing this.

My mum won’t be there any more. I don’t know how I will take it. She was always there for me, disorganised, confused about the world around her at best of times, not fully understanding what’s been said on the news, but she always wanted to help when she saw I needed it.

Now she can’t help me any more, but she’s still there, so at least I can help her. One day even that will be gone. I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her.