When I was very little, I remember I had much better relationship with my dad than with mum. Then obviously that all fell apart due to his mental health breakdown.

When I was a teeanager and started reading books and articles about complex relationship dynamic I started believing it was my mum who caused my dad’s breakdown as she was jealous I preferred him. Now obviously I know that was nonsense. Things are much more complicated than that. My dad probably had a breakdown because of his job. He was a welder and that means loads of flashing lights, too much sensory issues for someone with Asperger’s.

Then, after he was sent on disability, he never got a chance to recover properly and he never had a hope for second chance at whatever.

That’s when he started focusing so much on where he came from and his family house. It belonged to his niece at the time, but she lives in Germany (I never met her btw). He wanted to get a share of that.

She was probably focused on her roots too as her dad, my dad’s brother was an alcoholic and never took any care of her. So the little house and a bit of land was the only thing she had left.

One day someone may buy that land, who knows, and then she’ll at least get something out of it.

I’m very tired today.