Mum doesn’t understand how things work in modern society. Once, I remember, she gave me her ID card asking to go to her bank to ask about something, but I was not authorised to have access to her account. She didn’t understand that, she thought having her ID card will be enough.

But she always wanted to help me. It only really worked when what she was required to do was simple enough. For example when I was in psychiatric hospital in Poland patients were only allowed out when accompanied and there was no even a patio there to get some fresh air so my mum was coming to take me out almost every day, even though her back was hurting.

She wanted to sacrifice herself for me this way and now I know I will never get this level of support any more. Now I need to help mum butbI feel so hopeless. It feels to me today like if there’s no hope. To sort out the fraud issue I need power of attorney and the solicitor may not want to come to the care home due to the new restrictions. Even if he agrees to come I was told we’d have to stay in the hallway. And the hallway there is very dark and depressing. I almost feel like I don’t want to do any of that. I want life to be different.

Suddenly I’m almost angry with mum. How dare she have an accident in those circumstances. She was always there to help me, and now I have to help her but I feel I can’t.