For a couple of months, probably dince February, I was a clients on an online coaching program run in Poland. I went in because I wanted support — mainly around figuring out what to do with my YouTube channel and how to move forward with some of the bigger life decisions that were hanging over me.

At first it really helped me to realise my values, priorities and untangle stressful thoughts. It also gave me a sense of momentum. I was thinking a lot, planning a lot, and constantly trying to figure out “what next.” But after a few months, I realised something had shifted — and not in a good way.

Coaching started to feel like pressure instead of support. I found myself constantly analysing everything — especially my YouTube channel. I kept asking: How do I make it work? How do I grow it faster? How do I build a life around it?

At the same time, I was thinking a lot about where I live. My husband lives about 45 minutes away and really wants to move to Cirencester. While I was still in coaching, I kept trying to figure out how I could live there too — how I could somehow make the channel successful enough to not rely on a local job. I don’t drive and Cirencester doesn’t have many jobs in my field. I was bending myself around a situation that wasn’t actually workable.

When I cancelled coaching, something let go in me. The pressure dropped. But so did the hope I had been holding onto. It felt like stepping out of a tunnel — not because everything was suddenly clear, but because I could finally hear myself think again.

Since then, I’ve come to a few realisations:

1. I still want to work on my YouTube channel — but I don’t want to do it in a way that drains me. I don’t need to post constantly or treat it like a race. I can take breaks. I can treat it like something I care about, not something that defines my worth.

2. I’m allowed to stop trying to make things work that don’t work. I don’t have to force a plan just to make someone else happy. If my husband wants to live in Cirencester, that’s his choice — but I’m not going to bend my life around it unless it makes sense for both of us.

What helped me make the final decision to cancel was realising that I didn’t like who I was becoming in the process. I was constantly future-focused, overthinking, and doubting myself. It felt like I was chasing something all the time. That’s not how I want to live.

Now, I’m figuring things out more quietly. Slower, maybe. But with more space to make decisions from calm, not stress.

Do you want to to see the animations I upload to YouTube? Check them here