University of Hull offered me a full refund for my course and, with a heavy heart, I accepted it. I am still glad that I went for it and maybe I needed to make that quick, impulsive decision I made while standing in the corridor of a Sandalwood (Swindon mental hospital) at the end of September. If I deferred starting the course and did a bit more research I’d probably realise that the course is not going to meet my expectations but I’d never be sure. I’d always think that possible, if I tried and made a little bit of effort I’d managed and the course would take me where I wanted to be.

Now I at least know that I really cannot do that and this is not about ‘my autism defining me’ like some people would say.

I still learned a little bit and of course I can read about dementia in my own time and occasionally blog about my own views. Even if I get things wrong occasionally, does that matter? We know so little about how people with dementia think (and we need to remember every person with dementia is different) that not much can be stated for sure.

I’m a little bit sad that another of my endeavours didn’t turn out to be successful but then, is it because I’m autistic? I think things are more complicated than that.