Very grey thinking

I imagined yesterday evening that I was practicing grey thinking. It felt very easy and I had the impression that I could master it and then, when I tried to think about writing my next uni assignment, I immediately started feeling tense again.

I presume the fact that I don’t insist on leaving my uni course immediately but choose to do it gradually is also caused by a form of grey thinking (imposed by me on tutors): I know already the course is not for me but I contemplate it for a bit longer and not necessarily just in case I’m wrong but rather just in case I’m actually right.

It feels so unfair that I cannot succeed due to my disability, even with all the support that I could receive. I’m very curious about what else I could find out during the course and I deeply believe people living with dementia should have the best quality of life possible in their circumstances. But then the ‘in their circumstances’ part starts really bothering me. What if someone just wants to go home but there is no one who can provide care there? Two minutes later I fell like I want to scream that the whole system of social care is a lie.

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