And those two words made me feel like he really is on my side; like if he’s waiting for me to get better. You see, communicating with a depressed autistic person is really not that difficult.

He also said I may need to go to a doctor. But I don’t want to; it would mean I’m admitting that maybe I really have bipolar. And that would mean I’m turning into my dad.

I don’t even know what is wrong, you know? Probably nothing, it’s just my brain adjusting to all the changes out there. Change is part of life, whether we’re autistic or not and I really don’t understand how come some advocates insisting on providing us with predictable life.

I didn’t get out of the house today (I mean the flat, of course). I felt pretty awful at times. I’m also having another go at intermittent fasting so I didn’t even need to worry about making myself a sandwich. I have another day off tomorrow but then I’m back at work the day after. And the thing is, I know I’ll be ok enough to work so why I’m not ok enough to make my day off a nice experience? When I ask myself this question the answer that pops into my head is that: because I don’t want to. I feel like being depressed is what I need right now to regulate myself, if that makes sense.