Yesterday evening I decided that I shouldn’t be sleeping on the sofa too often and went to the spare bedroom. I only slept around 9h and woke up with a headache, one that I usually get when I’m about to have a cold. I got a bit annoyed, after all this time I was off sick with mental health I’m about to get a cold now?! That just doesn’t feel very fair.
Yesterday I read a study about young people who’s parents got diagnosed with early onset dementia. Apparently quite a few of them got interviewed for over an hour but the study only quoted a couple of statements – that made me very disappointed. Surely the authors could do better than that?
During the night I had a strange dream: I was allowed to carry out an experimental treatment on dementia patients – to scrape out ‘dementia cells’ from their brain using a tea spoon. When I was standing behind the first patient, who was just sitting in front of me on a chair, with their skull open, I looked towards my supervisor and asked ‘what if I get it wrong?’
‘Just do it’ – he said.
He didn’t seem entirely convinced to be quite honest. ‘Why no one else does it?’ I mumbled to myself. ‘I’m just a student, you know.’
The dream ended here, so I don’t know if I proceeded with the surgery or not.
It’s a dark and gloomy day here in Swindon today. It’s Friday and I can’t wait to be back at work next week.
I also have a strange need to be single for a little while. It feels very close to the need to feel abandoned. It’s yet another of my autistic needs that cannot be met in a socially acceptable way. I told John that we’re not meeting this weekend, and he was OK with that but I’m not sure he still would be if I told him that I don’t want to be in a relationship for a bit because I have the need to feel lonely.
But then, he’s also autistic so maybe he feels the same sometimes? The problem is, however, you can never discuss those needs openly in our society. If you do, you’ll most likely be told to go to therapy.
I’m a weirdo, once again. Nothing can change that, you know?