It was probably February. I wasn’t trying any particular diet, I just wanted to eat less. It may sometimes be unclear how many calories I consume because I can eat very little for a few days and then have normal meals, chocolate and a sausage roll in one day only. Still, I’d say majority of days I ate considerably less than 2000kcal so I should have lost at least some weight. I didn’t. Not even a little bit.

Then Easter came and I put 5kg (almost a stone) in one week just by eating some cakes. I was devastated. Apparently to put 1kg on (a little bit over 2lbs) you need to consume extra 8000kcal. So I’d need 40000! That’s equivalent of 66 100g chocolate bars. I was sure I didn’t eat close to that at all.

Now, with all those food that I ate on some days since being admitted to hospital around 5 weeks ago, I can still fit into my uniform trousers. I don’t remember how much I weighted at the time of being admitted so it’s pointless to argue with the scale now. I did put on some weight but only a little bit. It’s really strange because hospital food was good and I had that adverse reaction to meds after I left that I tried to calm down with cakes and biscuits.

I did suspect stress plays a big part in my weight management journey and aripiprazole seems to make me less stressed, on most of days at least. Let’s hope it will continue like that.

Also, on those days when I feel less stressed my appetite is very good and what I mean by that is I eat moderate portions of normal meals and no snacks except of some fruits. However, recently I started getting loads of cakes adds in my Facebook feeds and, although they don’t seem to affect me when I see them, I then impulsively want to get something sweet when I’m in town. And one donut doesn’t seem enough on those days.

Strangely enough there doesn’t seem to be anything that I can do that prevents food adds and reels from being displayed. It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? It is triggering for some people, not only those who are on aripiprazole. I’m sure people with bulimia may also be affected. Or even just oridinary people who find it difficult to eat a bit less. It does seem to me like Facebook needs to do a bit more about it. They have global responsibility, wouldn’t you agree?

It’s 2am, I’m already awake, had a little sandwich, now wondering whether if I have another one, will I have to buy new trousers for my uniform?

And can someone tell me, how I actually loose some weight in those circumstances?