It was only a mild meltdown, really, but I realised afterwards that I was being bitter on my blog so I deleted that post.
I believe we all get bitter sometimes, autistic or not, but somehow non autistic people have it easier to realise that expressing those feelings openly doesn’t make them look good.
Blogging is tricky sometimes: on one hand I want to be truthful, but I also need to realise how what I say make people look like, including myself. It’s good exercise and I believe with time I learn it and will not be making such a mistakes. But if you catch me on something, you can see it as entertainment I guess.
I also believe that I am better at making other people look good than at making myself look good, which can be an interesting observation. It’s almost like I see other people perspective better than my own, or perhaps I sacrifice my own perspective for as factual represetation of events as possible.
But the fact that I am autistic doesn’t mean I should be telling people everything that comes to my mind. Do you remember how Greta said once, during one of her speaches, that world leaders are stealing her childhood from her? I thought, you know what, that sounds like something a child from Syria could say. I appreciate Greta a lot but thought at that particular time that sometimes possibly someone needs to edit her.
At the same time I am a bit envious of her success; you know? If I wasn’t being constantly told by my maths teacher that I can achieve everything if only I learn how to get on with people and instead I got some suitable support, maybe I’d at least achieved something by now.
Anyway. Today at 7.30pm Swindon Film Society displays an interesting film I’d like to watch; I’m a bit undecided if I should go or not because I go to sleep at 8pm now. But then dr Guy Meadows from Sleep School says not to give up on important activities for sleep. But then the app is for regular users, not someone like me, who’s just recovering from psychotic episode. What would you do if you were me?