Still not sure if I spell aripiprazole correctly. What if Google won’t pick it up an no one will ever find my blog, except of those 5 people who read it regularly?

Anyway, as I said, I was put on aripiprazole in the hospital and felt fantastic on it for a week; what I mean by that is increased energy, focus, good mood and feeling optimistic about life, also reduced ability to get irritated about things that irritate me normally and even increased sex drive (not that it was of much use in the hospital) and no cravings for sweets. It was like being in heaven. But a week later I was thrown from to hell: anxiety, inability to sit still and massive appetite. After 5 days of that I had to give up and stop taking it. And then it took me like two days for issues to go away and guess what happened after? I’m still in an excellent mood most of the time, even though I’m not taking it and don’t even sleep well (which I think it’s due to psychosis; I had the same problem after my first episode.)

I’m not sure how long this good feeling will last but I could possibly take aripiprazole one week on, one week off? That would still reduce the likelihood of me having an episode while keeping me feeling good. But my psychiatric nurse didn’t want to hear about that. That’s not how we prescribe it – she explained. She suggested I should go back on olanzapine. Although she also said that she knows I’ll probably do what I want anyway and smiled.

Olanzapine is a good drug for people who need it, I suppose. It was slowing me down, yes, but at the time I probably needed slowing down. If I had loads of energy I’d end up chasing Home Group around various courts and that wouldn’t be good for me at all. Targeting them on Twitter is much more fun and gives me an opportunity to practice my sarcasm skills while I’m also trying to be as gentle and indirect as possible now and will not be going back to my harassing comments from earlier on.

There’s no other person or organisation that I could talk like that, is it?

So yes, I can kind of decide myself to be on arpipiprazole on and off but I don’t like this idea. There should be procedures for people like me, you know? Doctors shouldn’t be putting me on meds that are slowing me down if there is an alternative, especially when I am starting uni, only because their medical training tells them that antipsychotics should be taken every day.

I don’t know if I want to argue my case though, I need my prescription, you know? Also I still remember that sentence ‘there’s too many Polish people in this country. NHS won’t cope.’

I wonder now if I get deported if I argue? But then, you know, they actually cope with me very well; slightly better than me with them.