I need to tell you about the situation with John. So, around two weeks ago, I wrote on the blog that I don’t know if our relationship will survive. I didn’t mean anything specific by that and we certainly weren’t going through any problems. I thought I made it clear that what I meant was I just can never sense what is happening; it seems to me I can never see where a long term relationship is going and that was all I meant.

However, John read it and become very concerned; he thought that I’m implying he’s hiding something from me and reassured me that if he has a problem with our relationship, he’ll tell me.

But people don’t always talk when they feel dissatisfied with someone, do they? Sometimes they’ll just plodding on and on waiting to see how the situation is going to unfold and if problems dissappear by themselves. If they do, it will be a sign for them that the relationship is worth investing in, if they don’t, it’s a sign that things need ending. That’s what I was doing with my first partner so at least I know why people wouldn’t talk about their problems. Or at least not in a specific way that allows one to address them.

But this is what I think, you know? If we’re in a relationship, we shouldn’t be ‘addressing problems’ because that creates an expectation to act a certain way in order to satisfy us, which is not fair. However, expressing our dissatisfaction through arguments is ok because that gives the other person feedback about how we feel regarding certain behaviour and they can then modify it by themselves; or not. If they choose not to, that will mean our opinion and feelings are not important to them and therefore we may need to reconsider if we want to be in this relationship or not.

I am not telling you to follow the above in your relationships. Quite possibly I have it all wrong, who knows; I’m autistic after all. I am also aware what I just said is very different to what is being advised by therapists and relationship coaches, while I’m just a blogger. The above is also not an advice, it is only a description of how I think.

I was meant to also reflect on work relationships. But it may be best not to. What if anyone reads it, huh?