Tuesday Blues

First of all I wanted to apologise for not taking SEO into consideration when choosing post titles. I think it’s much more creative this way.

So today I decided I need to repeat the entire Sleep School course. Quite possibly I need to do it all regularly to avoid slipping into old, unhelpful patterns. I did the first lesson around 2 hours ago and I am feeling much better already. I am also starting to realise how much the uncertainty about my job was affecting me. On a positive side I need to say it seems I am getting better overall as I didn’t need to take any olanzapine for like 2 months.

There is something really calming not only about the meditation alone, but also the fact that I allocated time and effort to do the course. It makes me feel that my struggles are real and important and that gives me relief without dwelling on them.

So, anyway, I was going through the first lesson and saw they made a spelling mistake – they wrote lain instead of lay, so two mistakes in one word only and, because it actually looks like Iain, a male name, it seems like those are 3 mistakes!

Normally I can cope with one mistake, but two is already too much, and let alone 3! But it would be ridiculous of me to reject a course that worked for me so well over some spelling mistakes, would it?

It does make me think, however, that I am the way I am because I learned that looking for mistakes and errors is a great way of assessing if a concept is worth of my attention or not. Possibly non autistic people use different strategies to achieve that, but I can’t. And possibly it is ok to do that in general but when I start to poke holes in systems that I already assessed as good, that is exactly what causes me unnecessary stress and prevents me from getting opportunities.

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