1. The Friend asked me a few days ago not to comment on my blog on what she says or does other than something very general like where we went for a trip. It was quite difficult for me to accept that but it quickly became obvious that I have no choice but to get on with it.

2. So far we went for a trip to Farringdon and Bath. Weather is not great in the UK now but at least it’s not raining. In Farringdon we found a mini ‘library’ in a telephone box, where I managed to find The Art of Mingling by Jeanne Martinet. It’s a pocket size book with some excellent insights. I will read all of it when The Friend leaves but so far I was very impressed with an advice of spilling a drink on an overly boring person if you can’t get rid of them by any other means.

3. When we were in Bath we had a lunch in Miller and Carter. I always wanted to go there as it’s considered a bit posh but I could never convince John to go with me.

We only ordered from a set menu and it was £12.95 for two courses. The food was ok but I wouldn’t get out of my way to eat there again. When commenting on our trip to John, the lunch was the first thing I mentioned and I then laughed that I behave like The British – they rarely talk about what they saw on their day out and instead focus on food and drinks they had.

4. I started wondering recently whether I may be depressed. I guess you can say I’ve been through a lot during the last year but at the same time I don’t have any specific thoughts that would suggest why I am depressed. The fact that my brother is now my only family is a problem for me but I don’t think about it a lot at all. It also seems that I got over the loss of my mum, so it seems like I should be OK, but I am not.

5. John’s car broke a few days ago. We had a short chat about it and I suggested to him he deserves a better car anyway and he wrote in response:

My original plan was to try and wait until Autumn next year and then get a much nicer car. It might be that I get another car that I can use for a few years first.

And what I wanted to ask him initially was ‘and what after those few years?’. It does make sense to ask this question on a logical level, wouldn’t you agree? But I knew that would sound like if I’m implying he’s not coping with life so instead I just reassured him that I believe he’ll be able to make the right decision. And I was right because he got a different car the next day.

Mind you, his statement looked like a speech therapy task, like if those sentences were there on purpose so that I could reflect on my way of thinking and choose a different reaction. John is normally very precise with his use of language and he wouldn’t say anything that vague. Still, no one confirmed to me that I am in fact on a speech therapy. I am getting mildly annoyed. I wish people either told me or started behaving normally again.

Or maybe it is all in my head? Possibly because I started paying more attention to how people communicate I became obsessed with it and I’m now noticing things that I wouldn’t notice otherwise? I presume in that case the feeling of being in speech therapy will eventually go away.

6. A few days ago I saw that quote on Facebook, posted by a life coach:

Meet your own needs

And love your own heart.

Then find a lover.

I know what it supposed to mean, I am fully aware of the trend of ‘loving yourself first’ but somehow it’s not what it means to me, you know? Normally I’d dismiss that as creative writing but the fact I have a blog focused on exploring how I think made me reflect on it a bit more. So:

‘Then find a lover’ – well, I know what it means, although I presume the person who coined the quote was implying that lover will become a life partner with time, which I guess most people are aware, may not happen. This would be enough for me to reject all the messages that come from this particular life coach. Anyway, I kept thinking: the sentence is about what the body needs and it sounds very obligatory – finding a lover doesn’t seem like it’s just an option, while in real life having sex is not needed for survival (although it may feel like that at times). So perhaps it’s a hint that the first two sentences talk about two different needs: one that is obligatory and another that is optional?

‘Meet your own needs’ – this sentence doesn’t disclose what kind of needs it is about but at least it uses straightforward language. ‘Love your own heart’ – what does that even mean? Very imprecise language, wouldn’t you agree? Total contrast to the first sentence. That makes me think that the first sentence is about needs that we discuss openly and the second one is about needs that are discussed by using hints and indirect speech.

Therefore the first two sentences mean to me as follows: eat regular meals and masturbare.

And then you still need to find a lover because it won’t be enough anyway.

I’m glad I worked it out though and passed it onto you and I hope it makes at least some sense to you. Have a good day.