Mind you, this is just a theory. It’s about my fiancé, John. I broke up with him in winter and since we decided to try again I can see he really improved his communication skills. He speaks to me in a gentle voice now and he stopped hitting his thigh with the edge of his palm when he wants me to realise something (I bet he picked up that mannerisms at work from other men, but what is desirable at work is not necessarily acceptable in romantic situation).

So I wanted to know how that happened. It seems to me he wouldn’t come up with those changes by himself, someone must have guided him and it was really doing my head in. Yet John refused to tell me anything and when I insisted he finally said he must have changed subconsciously. Why is he so stubborn? But I know similar issues are common in autistic men.

So the theory that I just came up with is: autistic men do those things in close relationships because they see other people hide things about themselves to make themselves look better. They also see that this is widely accepted, I mean everyone knows the truth but no one is trying to forcefully expose it, so they want to be treated the same way: accepted, possibly even admired, for the fact that they hide things.

And the only problem is the things they hide are different than what neurotypicals hide.

I wonder what can be done about that? And you know what I think: possibly nothing. We have to accept our men as they are.