As you may know my psychiatric nurse will be leaving in a few days and my last appointment will be in two days time. Initially I was meant to be discharged, but my psychiatric team took under consideration my recent delusions that my fiancé works on his communication skills with my diagnostician and as a result they’re keeping me in for now.

I wanted to get a card for my nurse and went to the card shop twice for that reason and I realised I really can’t cope with the idea that neurotypical people read into everything. Should I get yellow card, I was thinking? Yellow is my favourite colour, but what about the nurse’s favourite colour? I don’t know it. And even if I did, would getting a card in that colour mean anything? Unicorn would probably be inappropriate, although I’m not quite sure why, if I want to be playful the last time I see her. What about a card with a bottle of champagne drawn on it? Does that mean I encourage her to drink alcohol? That could be seen as wrong, she’s psychiatric nurse, she shouldn’t be seen as someone who’s drinking on every possible occasion as she needs to be a role model for her patients.

Finally I chose the above. White card with no hidden meanings. Possibly a little bit of simple humor, but that should be ok.

I left the shop very pleased with myself and only around 30 minutes later the social side of that situation hit me, right between my eyes, and I was shocked how come I didn’t see that before: this is a very basic card and it will look cheap, even when I get that 29p sticker removed. Therefore it can be seen like I do not care, I only got a card to tick it off the list. And it’s really not like that, you know? My nurse is a fantastic person and she gave me loads of support. I’m so glad I met her and really hope for all the best for her.

It’s only the fact that everyone is so focused on telling us that we don’t get ‘the hidden meaning’ of the situation that got me to do that. Thankfully, I realised the social mistake and can fix it now. Possibly including a small box of Polish chocolates would do the trick? Plus there’s not much of hidden meaning here: I’m Polish so I give people Polish sweets. It’s a form of marketing you could say, promoting my country. So possibly a little bit of hidden meaning, but nothing to concerned about.