1. I went on Zoopla yesterday just to see house prices, in case I wanted to move at some point. I mean, this is if I convince John to move to Swindon, if I don’t I’m staying where I am.
On their website I saw that line of text: we know what a home is really worth.
What an imprecise use of language, I thought. That made me wonder what the answer to that woud be and I came up with something equally imprecise: a home is worth a lot of work. Why? Because people often say ‘it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it’ about whatever needs work putting into it.
Anyway, that made me think that if it’s a lot of work, I’m not doing it. But at least I know before I put myself through any unnecessary trouble.
2. I didn’t go to the radio today and I didn’t notify Shirley. I thought, if she gets hundreds of emails on some days, she will be fine without mine. And not like I have anything in particular to do there today; I have tomorrow but today I’d be just hanging around; I’m sure they will be fine without me.
3. For a few days now I work in PicsArt in offline mode. Normally, when you save an image in PicsArt you get to see other people work on the next screen, and a lot of it, unless you’re offline.
I did tell you that although I love doing patterns, I find it somehow triggering. I thought it was the mental effort that I put into it that was triggering me, but it must have been those other images appearing totally on random because when I’m working offline I am perfectly fine, calm, I can focus better and my work seems to have better flow.
4. Yesterday I had the idea that I have to recover from my mental health problems. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do that yet, but I presume it’s possible.
The doctor prescribed me only 7 olanzapine tablets last time while I’m normally getting 10. That made me think that I’m recovering. I’m not being sarcastic in a slightest here; that’s what I really thought. And because it’s very difficult to actually assess the state of someone’s mental illness, we can as well use that to assess mine.
I then went to the pharmacy where I was made to wait really long, an hour and a half, and my meds were still not ready. I spent some of that time outside, mind you. But finally I just thought, let me go, maybe I don’t need those meds after all. So I left and went for a long walk.
It took me long time to fall asleep yesterday but when I did, I slept well, so maybe I’ll be fine, after all. If not, my nurse suggested I could try lorazepam instead.