It’s 17.14, I just came back home after the gym, cafe and stopover in Farmfoods. A while ago I bought a vegetarian product called Swedish falafel from there. A bit confusing as falafel is not Swedish, but I absolutely loved it. Today I felt like I really wanted it for dinner so I went there on my way from town and it was not in stock!

I was really pissed off, I’m telling you. That truly was an unexpected event. I was walking around not knowing what to choose instead and I really needed proper dinner as I was quite hungry with all this dieting lately (mind you, I don’t seem to loose any weight, at least the scale doesn’t want to admit it). I don’t shop in Farmfoods often as, apart from their choice of frozen fruits and vegetables, there’s not many things there that I would happily eat. I picked up moussaka at some point but it had over 600kcal in a rather small portion so I put it away. Although obviously, if I was planning 500kcal dinner then the 100+ extra wouldn’t make much difference, would it? But it just wasn’t what I had planned. I then found bbq chicken tights and thought I could have those except I don’t like bbq sauce. And on top of that they required 60 minutes in the oven.

While walking among freezers I realised that not only I am pissed off but, most importantly, confused. I just didn’t seem to be able to make an alternative choice. There was nothing there that I would be happy to eat and consider that ‘proper dinner’.

I really thought that I’m better with situations that don’t go according to a plan. But possibly this is because most of the time I don’t have any plan. I wonder now if not having a plan is a coping strategy? And then, if it is, is it a good one or should I change it?

But most of the time I really do not mind what I eat, although I have a strong preference to things in sauces. And it feels to me now that, as I’m so flexible almost all the time, I should be rewarded with the item I want, when I do want something. Does that make any sense to you? I really do feel now like life is cheating on me.