I keep asking myself this question since yesterday evening and my answer is: being autistic I most likely was, but I don’t remember. Not even that I don’t want to remember, I really don’t. I believe I’m not like that at all since I realised I’m autistic, as I try to make an effort to see situation from another person perspective, but I guess only the people who deal with me could really answer this question.

It is often said that autistic females behave like social chameleons as they try to imitate behaviour and mannerism of people who they are with. I really wish to know how this works as it’s not what I ever did. Or at least I wasn’t aware. Before my diagnosis I used to behave in a way that was the opposite to how the person I was with behaved. So for example if I was around someone who is happy-go-lucky, I’d be worried a lot. If I was around someone who would get irritated a lot, I’d be calm. So if I was tactless, it was most likely when I was with somebody very diplomatic, which then would make my tactless comments stand out even more. This is how I see it today, but I really don’t remember situations like that, and anyway, at the time I probably saw myself as someone who has a mission to deliver the truth as the diplomatic person wasn’t able to do that.

So I had this situation at work yesterday during another of my agency shift, this time in a large care home: I was told that meals are prepared in the kitchen on a different floor and then get delivered to every floor in a kitchen lift, and one of the permanent carers would dish them out in a small kitchenette from where we would take them to residents’ rooms.

After dinner I was asked to collect the dishes on a trolley and as I was going back to the kitchenette member of staff spoke to me in extremely direct manner. Where are you going, she asked. She told me that after collecting the dishes they need to be sent back to the kitchen in the lift. How was I supposed to know that? I thought meals get prepared in the kitchen but dishwashers are in the kitchenette. It wasn’t impossible, was it? Also that staff, let’s call her X, was very loud and overly dramatic over my mistake. I found it really uncomfortable.

Towards the end of the shift I was told to be around and answer the buzzer. A bit later X came up to me and asked to be ‘on the floor’ which in the care setting means ‘be around and deal with whatever happens’ and I asked: ‘Do you mean answer the buzzer?’ I didn’t do anything wrong by asking this question, did I? The dishwasher misunderstanding happened because I assumed things so I thought I’d better clarify.

‘Yes’ – the employee X said. And as she walked off I’ve heard her saying to somebody: Guess what? She doesn’t even know what ‘being on the floor’ means.

That got me quite upset and I had this idea to find her later when no one is around and tell her that it was very unkind of her to comment on me like that. I decided, however, that it’s probably not worth it. If X was so tactless, she wouldn’t probably even understand.

I also wondered if being tactless always means being autistic? Possibly some neurotypical people are also tactless? Possibly X uses all her tact on dealing with residents, permanent staff and families and she just didn’t have any patience left for me, a new person from an agency who may not even come back. I wonder though if a neurotypical person would be less likely to experience the reaction I got?

I keep trying to remember if I ever behaved the exact same way and I do not know. I really hope that means I didn’t but if I did, please don’t remind me. I really know now I have to be aware of it.