Being positive

I deleted a post yesterday. It was about some of my not very positive experience regarding the situation I am in. I have difficulties deciding what is appropriate to write about here, considering I do not want to create an impression of toxic positivity, and what is going to be seen as a moan. I guess we all experience disappointment at one point or another and become disillusioned with authority figures.

I can at times be rather challenging when I’m not happy about something and the strange thing is, it used to work for me quite well for years as people would suddenly take my view into consideration after I challenged them. I wouldn’t say it was good for me though as I would first need to get really upset to challenge someone and then, after they started treating me better, I’d get upset that they ignored me when I was nice and polite.

Lately, however, it doesn’t seem to work any more. I don’t know why. Possibly, after the situation with Home Group (aka The Company) I’m too sensitive about any perceived injustice and I become challenging too early on so the person on the other side doesn’t get to see they mistreated me in any way, or possibly, due to my age (43) I am being seen as having signs of menopause and therefore I’m being ignored?

Having a blog that is in part devoted to communication puts me in a position where I should focus on being better communicator myself. I’m not sure, however, how this can be achieved without external support.

I often have the impression that people don’t listen to what I have to say and the reason is, apparently, what my therapist in 2015 used to say (that was just before I realised I’m autistic) I’m not confident enough. I did tell her I felt confident, it’s just people treat me like if I’m not and she just totally dismissed that explanation.

I did realise since then that being confident means (for neurotypicals) having certain body language and tone of voice. I didn’t have it. And, funnily enough, that was at the time when I still put loads of effort into what is called masking (when an autistic person makes an effort to behave like everyone else).

I wish people didn’t focus that much on my body language and tone of voice and instead just listen to what I have to say. I wonder why this is so difficult to achieve.

Magda Z.

October 17, 2021

communication

autistic identity, challenging behaviour, communication, diagnosis, neurotypicals

4 responses to “Being positive”

Adelaide Dupont

October 17, 2021 at 12:34 pm

And people have a way of not recognising confidence when it doesn’t come in the package they expect. Or a package like theirs.

You feel confident and that’s what matters!

It does take a *lot* to challenge someone, doesn’t it?

Yes – as your challenge shook them up – your niceness and politeness had a way of mollifying them.

Blogging is one way of listening – the words and the content endure.

When people focus on what you have to say [or write] they can be more positive [as in taking action].

There was a really big article in an Australian newspaper about how women are treated before and during and after menopause and they are beginning to make inroads. It is written by Jacqueline Maley.

[I did feel sad when I read the article as one of the ways I masked was to hide my interest in some of the more STEMmish subjects].

[PS: I read you a fortnight ago in LEARN FROM AUTISTICS].

[PPS: That meeting between the three stripe-y walls

And the rug on the bottom of the floor – so *tactile*].

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1. Magda
  
  October 17, 2021 at 1:46 pm
  
  Thank you for your comment Adelaide. Blogging seems to be helping me to feel listened, even though I don’t have many readers at all for now. I wonder if it’s because my autistic instinct thinks that everything in the world is connected somehow. I’m hoping that, with time, the fact that I have a blog will in fact makes people to listen to me better in real life, regardless of my body language.
  
  I hope you liked the interview. I know my view on communication and support for autistic people is different than what is currently being suggested, but I wonder how much of the current approach is actually based on research and how much on tradition (Hans Asparger suggested it).
  
  If you want to see more ‘too many patterns’ designs you can find me on Instagram under Sunday_kitzch
  
  Thank you again 🙂
  
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Ashley L. Peterson

October 17, 2021 at 3:22 pm

One thing I like about writing is that it’s easier to convey the message without having things like body language and tone of voice getting in the way.

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1. Magda
  
  October 17, 2021 at 3:33 pm
  
  Yes, writing is much easier in that respect while still giving the reader the opportunity to get to know us a bit.
  
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Being positive

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