When I first started my blog, I was really concerned about how my actions affect decision makers. Let’s be honest, being autistic is not easy: when I wasn’t aware of my condition it felt like I was constantly made wrong by multiple people: ‘you shouldn’t be thinking this way’ was rather standard reaction when I tried to explain myself.

After diagnosis it wasn’t much better. I remember that lady from a college who I met in the Job Centre, who was speaking to me very slowly and I didn’t know what to say. ‘I understand normal speach’ wouldn’t come out of my mouth for some reason. Her attempts to better communicate with me only made me feel worse about myself.

So when I started my blog I was really focused on bringing about change. I used to email various people to make them aware what I think autistic people need. No one seemed to be really bothered and professor SBC was probably the worst of everyone who I ever emailed. None of those researchers ever asked me about any more details and I was getting frustrated. How come, I was thinking, I am autistic and my experience is being ignored by autism researchers.

And although I still think that this a good question, I realised it’s not my job to bring about change. The realisation came exactly when I started writing on the blog about my real emotions. No one can come and tell me now that I shouldn’t experience them the way I do and it’s not my job to argue about anything else.

am not convinced I should be working in care again, and it’s not because I don’t like taking care of people. If anything it was my colleagues that I found really tiring. Constant chats, socialising and never ending change in the team dynamic. But maybe not all care homes are like that?

laces. That is not nice, knowing that whatever I start doing, I’m worse than everyone else. The education system didn’t prepare me for that.