Over a year ago my mum passed out and was taken to a hospital. It’s not clear who called an ambulance, social services say it was her support worker who used to come twice a week for a bit and my brother says it was him.

She was in the hospital for a few days and from there she was taken to a care home. Again, I don’t know how it happened, no one informed me. I was quite pissed off at the time but now I think it was for the best.

She didn’t like that care home, but at least she was taken off clonazepan while there and started being quite eloquent. Clonazepan can cause difficulties with finding the right words that can look like dementia. But the care home staff still claimed she needed 24h care as she didn’t know what’s going on around her. Mind you, that’s my mum, she didn’t know that at best of times, still she was somehow managing: bills were always paid on times, rubbish was taken out, dinners cooked and laundry was done. She used to work in clothes factory when younger and had no troubles there.

When I came to Poland I took her on leave and when she was at home I realised she got a lot better and it didn’t look like she have Alzheimer’s. As she couldn’t stay with my brother due to his drinking and didn’t want to be in that care home, I decided I’ll take her with me.

She really seemed to want to go at first but now I think she was just so happy I wasn’t rejecting her. I think she also wanted to show my brother that she can leave, hoping it will give him a wake up call.

I’m not sure I really wanted her to be living with me either, I admit that, but I had a spare bedroom so it made sense to give it a go. I guess if she was happy I’d accepted her but literally on the 3rd day she started crying that she wanted to go back.

Moreover, my brother didn’t change in the slightest. He would call and scream at her over the phone. And half an hour later she’d say she had a feeling that he changed.

I thought she would be happy living with me and enjoying the freedom that living in a town gives (like buses to centre every 7 minutes).

She eventually seemed to accept that she’ll be living with me but was never happy about that. And still insisted on going to Poland even for a few days. I couldn’t go at the same time and she didn’t want to wait. I was begging her to stay at a friend’s guesthouse as I was worried about her safety but she kept saying no. She was so stubborn! And then, 10 days after going there I was told she had an accident and broke her hip.

As I was already saying here, I think my brother pushed her. During an argument. But I have no evidence. She never admitted to anything.

Last year, a few weeks before going to a care home, neighbours told me she had a bruise around her eye and the explanation she gave really didn’t make much sense.

I really wanted my mum to be happy with me. She wasn’t. I found that a massive burden.