It’s midday and the only thing I did so far was collecting my daily gold gift on Redecor. I’m staying in bed, trying to rest. I took olanzapine yesterday late evening as I couldn’t calm my thinking process. It’s so difficult to make sense of things and accept this family situation is my new normal while running errands at the same time.

I need to go to another town to register power of attorney in mum’s bank, this one where an employee was stealing her money and I’m dreading it.

Staying in bed today unfortunately means at least one more day for my mum in her current care home. Mind you, the staff is absolutely lovely there and I’m sure she receives great care but the building is small and not very pleasant.

In an ideal world I’d take her with me and clean her face every day with micellar water while calling her ‘mummy’, but we don’t live in an ideal world and I know she would be unhappy, mostly worrying about my brother and thinking that possibly he is changing for the better but she can’t see that and possibly he’ll fail if she’s not around to help.

While curling in bed I keep repeating to myself ‘mummy, please, don’t die. Tell me you’re going to live forever.’