Tag: psychosis
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I was diagnosed with schizophrenia
OK, so that happened in Poland a few years ago. I love Poland but some other the standards in psychiatric care… I really hope the same would not happened where I live now. So basically, after I travelled to Poland from the UK, on my first day of hallucinating, I did see psychiatrist there. Initially…
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Feeling guilty
Hostel is pretty busy the last 3 days. I think every room is taken now, but still it’s a small place in general so it’s not like there’s loads of people here. I’ve heard a lady speaking on the phone in the hallway that she needs to have a rest and that’s why she’s here.…
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The things I accomplished today
Trigger warning: contains description of some difficult events and mentions serious suicidal thoughts and one suicidal action. I got my mum’s mobile fixed, I exchanged the slippers I bought for her yesterday (they were too narrow) and I had lunch. That’s not much, I suppose, is it? But I feel so low. I only left…
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Is my mum hinting me?
Two days ago, when I visited mum for the first time in her new care home, she told me she wants to live in Poland, unless it’s impossible, then she’ll go back to mine again. It sounded to me like expectation. Mind you, she didn’t say ‘In Smardzewice’, where our family home is, just ‘in…
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Risks taking
I quite like the idea of risk taking, which I guess may not be typical of my condition. However, the problem is, when I take risk, I often end up in trouble. Not always, let me clarify that, but often. I guess, possibly, as I’m in trouble now, I focus on that a bit more…
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What I’m really worried about
I asked myself what it is that I’m really so worried about and in response I saw my mum being dragged into a whirpool of something thick and sticky and I knew I won’t be able to get her out. I suppose it was a whirpool of care system and it meant she’ll never be…
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Care system in Poland
After getting a place in government care home in Poland the person will have 70 percent of their pension deducted towards the cost of that place and then family is expected to contribute, depending on how much they earn. It’s still usually not enough to cover the full cost of care and then government pays…
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I feel guilty
I can’t help but feel guilty for simple things that are not directly connected to issues I came here to deal with: having a walk in the sunshine, ice-cream, bottle of coke. Before I came here I was on Universal Credit for around a month and I was making an effort to survive for 2…
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3.06am feeling vulnerable again
5h of sleep. Not quite enough but no risk of psychosis. Mind you, I’d have to have my sleep severely restricted for more than one night to develop an episode. The last time it was like 1-2h of sleep for around a week before it happened. I’m worried about mum’s money again. How come bank…
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5am
I set my alarm to go off at 7 but it’s unlikely I’m going to get any more sleep. I went to bed at 10pm so it’s almost 7h. I woke up briefly ar 23.30 due to someone banging doors quite repeatedly. I found my earplugs (Howard Leight Laser Lite, the best that I tried…
Autistic and me 