Tag: mental health
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Self harm (I used to do that)
So… this is not something that I normally talk about. It was always taboo, but my left arm is covered in scars. It’s normally easy to cover it as I am oversensitive to cold but on a really hot day wearing long sleeves becomes a problem even for me. Yes, I used to self harm…
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My suicide attempt
I hope this won’t be triggering for anybody so first of all, let me clarify that I didn’t really want to die. And yet, I took 18 lorazepams at once. I actually thought I took 19 but the 19th was still in the box, although the seal was broken. The box contained 20 and I…
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I was diagnosed with schizophrenia
OK, so that happened in Poland a few years ago. I love Poland but some other the standards in psychiatric care… I really hope the same would not happened where I live now. So basically, after I travelled to Poland from the UK, on my first day of hallucinating, I did see psychiatrist there. Initially…
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Feeling guilty
Hostel is pretty busy the last 3 days. I think every room is taken now, but still it’s a small place in general so it’s not like there’s loads of people here. I’ve heard a lady speaking on the phone in the hallway that she needs to have a rest and that’s why she’s here.…
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The things I accomplished today
Trigger warning: contains description of some difficult events and mentions serious suicidal thoughts and one suicidal action. I got my mum’s mobile fixed, I exchanged the slippers I bought for her yesterday (they were too narrow) and I had lunch. That’s not much, I suppose, is it? But I feel so low. I only left…
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Worried sick at 2am
I just woke up. I fall asleep at 10pm so it’s 4h of sleep. Enough that I don’t get an episode but a bit little to be well rested. I’m worried, what if I never get a job again. What if my mum needs me and I won’t even be able to afford a flight…
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I feel guilty
I can’t help but feel guilty for simple things that are not directly connected to issues I came here to deal with: having a walk in the sunshine, ice-cream, bottle of coke. Before I came here I was on Universal Credit for around a month and I was making an effort to survive for 2…
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Second attempt
This is my second attempt at blogging. The first time was when I had Employment Tribunal claim against Home Group (aka The Company). I found it very difficult at the time, my mind was constantly focused on the claim but I didn’t want to write about it so I quickly ended up struggling with ideas.…
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Difficult memories
I’m in Galeria Tomaszów, our most modern shopping centre, only built a few years ago. Shops are closed but restaurants, cafes and children play area are open. I bought an ice cream and a drink and I’m currently sitting on a fake leather round sofa. It’s not very busy, which is good. Being here reminds…
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Coping
I was just thinking how mum always tried to help me to cope with things. She didn’t seem to understand the world around her very well but had good ideas sometimes. Her ideas helped me organise a lift to the airport at the beginning of lockdown when majority of buses got cancelled and we only…
Autistic and me 