Tag: communication
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Struggling
Trigger warning: this post mentions suicidal thoughts. I read online that talking about suicidal thoughts doesn’t make people any more likely to act on them but I know some readers prefer trigger warning, and that’s absolutely fine. So I was really struggling mentally and emotionally, walking up early in the morning and feeling like I’m…
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My problems are not ‘real’ problems
That’s how I often feel when I speak with people openly about what I’m going through. I now think it could be because I don’t communicate my emotions with my face expression and possibly don’t look authentic when I talk about some of my deepest problems. I must say I don’t really have that issue…
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Possibly I didn’t misinterpret…
The problem with discovering I am autistic is that I doubt my own judgement. I don’t know what to do about it. I suppose at times I misinterpret things, but not all the time, I don’t think. I just heard the same lady who said she came here to have a rest. She was shouting…
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I forgot to keep playing
Yesterday I was fairly busy during the day so I didn’t go to see mum. I don’t know if I explained that her new care home is a few kilometres away from town, in the middle of nowhere? I could have probably gone towards the afternoon but I remember how tired and quiet she was…
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Is my mum hinting me? Detailed explanation
First of all I do apologise for my messy drawing. I suppose not using pen and paper every day has its impact on me. In here I wanted to explain in detail how I understand my mum’s comment ‘I want to live in Poland, unless that’s not possible then I go back to yours’. When…
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Don’t ask me direct questions please
It is normally said that autistics are bad communicators but when I spoke with my diagnostician, I always knew straight away what she wanted and I was willing to do that. I felt like she was a whisperer, Iām not exaggerating. I find it all very strange, it’s obvious for me that my diagnostician doesn’t…
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Is my mum hinting me?
Two days ago, when I visited mum for the first time in her new care home, she told me she wants to live in Poland, unless it’s impossible, then she’ll go back to mine again. It sounded to me like expectation. Mind you, she didn’t say ‘In Smardzewice’, where our family home is, just ‘in…
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What I’m really worried about
I asked myself what it is that I’m really so worried about and in response I saw my mum being dragged into a whirpool of something thick and sticky and I knew I won’t be able to get her out. I suppose it was a whirpool of care system and it meant she’ll never be…
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My instinct is all wrong – 5am
After writing the previous post I managed to get some more sleep and woke up at 4.35. Since that time I’m terribly worried again. I have the thought coming to my head every so often that I shouldn’t do that, that I shouldn’t put mum into a private care home. That it will give me…
Autistic and me 