Autistic and me

I just started feeling hungry. I’m not really eating much now, there’s no food in the house, my brother disconnected the fridge a while ago to save electricity. I decided I won’t be using it too because he’d start expecting I don’t know what in that fridge, but it means I’m playing the same game…

I somehow started feeling a relief. Still don’t know what to do next, or at least not exactly but I think being unable to see mum is allowing me to think more clearly. She’d definitely say no to a private care home, she’ll probably even say no to the one that she’s in now and…

Which is good. I also asked about how to transfer my share of the house to my brother and I was asked if I’d also like to transfer my mum’s share to him. Well, she’ll never be able to go back there, I don’t think so, but how do I tell her? Although it would…

It feels to me today like if there’s no hope. To sort out mum’s fraud issue I need power of attorney and the solicitor may not want to come to the care home due to the new restrictions. Even if he agrees to come I was told we’d have to stay in the hallway. And…

Mum doesn’t understand how things work in modern society. Once, I remember, she gave me her ID card asking to go to her bank to ask about something, but I was not authorised to have access to her account. She didn’t understand that, she thought having her ID card will be enough. But she always…

My mum used to take those meds called clonazepan, they’re strong tranquillisers. None of us knew they can cause shaking and having difficulties with finding the right words. She looked like she had beginning stages of Alzheimer or possibly Lewy body dementia. She actually was in psychiatric hospital for a bit at some point, the…

The fact that I’m suddenly not able to see mum any more made me realise that this is what is going to happen one day: I will think that she’s still here, but she won’t be. And I can’t take her with me. I need to learn how to say goodbye. She needs to stay…