Category: Uncategorized
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Wake up call
That’s what my brother needs. How this can be delivered though? I started wondering if I maybe should get someone to fix the roof when I get access to mum’s bank account. But this would mean staying here longer and I have my own life in the UK. People who specialise in treating addiction say…
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Not sleeping
I got around 2h of sleep so far. I’m worried about what I’m going to find out when I go to mum’s bank. We didn’t have any control over what was happening with her money when she was in the UK, with me. What if even more got stolen? Obviously it would then be easy…
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Adjusting
I think I am adjusting to being in this environment. I can see that from the fact that I started planning again about who to contact regarding my diagnostician’s communication methods. I also played some Redecor yesterday evening and may also do some today. It’s raining heavily for a few hours now and I discovered…
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Failure
That’s what people in the village will say, that my mum sold that nice piece of land but my brother was drinking so she couldn’t stay in her own house. She went to stay with me for a bit, but didn’t like it and finally I had to give her away to a private care…
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The purpose of life
I often wonder what is the purpose of life. Is it just to earn enough money for bills? I don’t want it to be like that, I crave something more, some kind of fulfilment, but I don’t know what it could be. I suppose I’d like to have an impact on the world, but in…
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Am I a bad daughter?
I have the impression that, according to society expectations, or at least how it looks in Poland, loving an elderly parent means protecting them from reality but what I was doing instead was trying to get my mum to face it. So for example I should have regularly sent money to my brother and paid his…
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It’s raining
I managed another 1.5h of sleep so I’m really doing ok. Weather is bad again, it’s raining and depressing. I don’t know what I will be doing today, I’ll probably go to the shop to get some more bread and another cheese spread. And possibly something for dinner. What would happen if I refused to…
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Counting sleep at 4.40am
Since my second psychotic episode I tend to count how many hours I slept when I go through stress. I went to bed just after 10pm so it’s enough for not developing another episode. I must say sleep wise I cope much better that I thought, I only had to take zopiclone twice since I…
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Relief
Usually, after a period of feeling down due to circumstances, I finally start feeling better, and that is what’s happening now. I start believing that things will be well, although I don’t know what that ‘well’ would mean. My brother will stop drinking? I don’t think so. So maybe my mum will like her new…
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Immaturity
I did hear that people with Asperger’s are immature and I wonder sometimes what that actually means. If I didn’t have Asperger’s, would I deal any better with this situation? Would I not be fed up? Would I not believe that money should be spent on home improvement rather than putting elderly relatives into care…
Autistic and me 